Thursday, August 21st, 2008...9:51 am
tony moffeit | renegade
as if you would search out a poem among hundreds of poems. the one you would kill for. the one you would die for. the one that would make you forget your darkest memory. or take that dark memory and use its dark energy. the one that would make you see in your blindness. make you reach out for the blackness as if it were a new light. to be buried alive in that blackness. to feel yourself in your breaking. and in the breaking the blackness becomes a new light.
something giving birth whether it is a bullet or a word. something invented out of nothing when you have stayed hungry and lost in the motion, starved and lost in the action, revealing to yourself your multiple identities. the berserk storm that unveils your many faces, your many voices. when the lights are out and the dreams take over, and you are back into the breaking.
nothing is real. there are only ghosts, only phantoms. nothing words from no mouth. no voice no answer. everything reborn into nothingness. i want to find the secret of shifting identities. nothing is real. everything for the taking. renegade theater. zero in the blood.
zero in the bones. zero in the eyes. it’s just a demon fever that carves out the night. it’s just a hunger looking for something it can’t define.
the light is dim almost non-existent. i dream of the day when i’ll really awaken. all i have is my feeling, my reaching out in the blackness for shapes in the shadows. i listen all day in the silence. the words overhead. the words overheard. the words underneath. at the end of a corridor is a mirror. the mirror has gone crazy. i watch myself in my breaking.
i have dissected my agony and come out on the other side. time has lost its way in space and my phantom motion cries out to canyons. the trigonometry of darkness. all equations reduced to blackness. renegade equations of madness. i no longer want to be sane, like an assassin sought out by assassins.
i want to be buried alive in the blackness. i remember how to disappear. i remember places and faces. in the here and now crow has come out to give you his mouth. i’ll tell you my secrets with a knifeblade, carve them on the walls. in my fever, a seeing a craving. to pass out and awake hallucinatory.
assassins in the shadows. i reach out for the lightning, haunted by the breaking, the breaking of the blackness, the breaking of the darkness. i feel myself in my breaking. everything for the taking. what is love’s gamble? are you invisible when faces ride the train? or when rain turns to snow and snow turns back into rain? or is that when the hell cards come into play?
the waiting game. the crying game. the killing game. strategies of assassins. where will i find my other face? i remember a previous identity. it’s like discovering your other half. a breakthrough in my amnesia. eaten alive by the nighttime. the darkness invades me. two train whistles intertwined, like a trickster burnt out and laughing.