ben smith | shaving my balls

Shaving my balls | part 1

There has got to be something
Therapudic
About clipping away at your pubes.

Hacking through the vines.

Un earthing the pale
And wrinkley little man
Who talks a whole heap of
Piss.

Like Indiana jones.

I tell my family
im going to have a shower
but i take a pair of sciccors
and
a cut throat.

Half drunk
I saw away at my balls
And my guts just underneath
My “checkmate” tattoo.

Later that night
When we are watching telly
I get the most insane itching
On my crotch

Which ends with me in the bathroom
Spreading my dick
With hand creme
And hair conditioner.

A bottle of cider in one hand
And creamy chunks of
Hair product
Stripped through the red
And blotchy
Blisters of my groin

Like a feather plucked
Hen
– Pink and white.

My penis is a pale pole
Poking out from the mess
Like a cube of tofu.

Therapudic they say.

Beautie is pain.

Shaving my balls | part 2

The next day.
When the itch haddent gone away,
I have to work as a tiler
With an old bloke from the pub.

In a house with two Indian blokes
Who don’t speaka single word of English.

All day im walking around
Scratching away at my balls
With these two Indian fellas
Speaking pun jabbi.

I think the one with the bung eye
Looked like he knew what was going on.
That maybe he had once
Been in the same situation.

After work,
Covered in dust.
I hop in the shower

– My mum walks in

I stand there with a shiney
White pair of
10 year old scrotum
Sacks.

Its awkward

I knew this

was
A
Bad
Idea.

Some men
arnt mentally strong enough
to rock a shaven pair of
coconuts.

Shaving my balls | part 3

Cant stop.
Wont stop

I type

“i shaved my balls and
Now they wont stop itching’

In to ask jeeves . com

Im not alone
In this delema.

Many men have tried
And met
Many ends.

Some one suggests
Vasaline

I carry a chuncky
Tube around
In my work jeans
Fo a couple of days.

Im so embarrassed.

This is a three poem epic.
About shaven testies

– I don’t know
whats more embarrassing

Im a larger fool,
Than most give credit too.

In fact,

To tell you a secret.

These poems
were pretty much writien
before i shaved my balls.

Think about that
for a minute.

Men really do
suffer for there art

boys, of course –

suffer slightly more.